This is one of the very few Mark Twain speeches that leaves me empty.  Even Mark Twain, the first great humorous keynote speaker could not be expected to be really funny on all occasions. Additionally, this great humorous keynote speaker was nearing the end of a hugely creative life, but one which in previous years he had suffered the loss of his beloved wife and a daughter. His love for children does shine through in this speech. - Conor Cunneen, Chicago based humorous keynote business speaker.                              Contact Conor at 630 718 1643 or This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it

          On November 19, 1907, Mr. Clemens entertained a party of six or

          seven hundred of his friends, inviting them to witness the

          representation of "The Prince and the Pauper," played by boys

          and girls of the East Side at the Children's Educational

          Theatre, New York.

Just a word or two to let you know how deeply I appreciate the honor

which the children who are the actors and frequenters of this cozy

playhouse have conferred upon me.  They have asked me to be their

ambassador to invite the hearts and brains of New York to come down here

and see the work they are doing.  I consider it a grand distinction to be

chosen as their intermediary.  Between the children and myself there is

an indissoluble bond of friendship.

I am proud of this theatre and this performance--proud, because I am

naturally vain--vain of myself and proud of the children.

I wish we could reach more children at one time.  I am glad to see that

the children of the East Side have turned their backs on the Bowery

theatres to come to see the pure entertainments presented here.

This Children's Theatre is a great educational institution.  I hope the

time will come when it will be part of every public school in the land.

I may be pardoned in being vain.  I was born vain, I guess.  [At this

point the stage-manager's whistle interrupted Mr. Clemens.]  That settles

it; there's my cue to stop.  I was to talk until the whistle blew, but it

blew before I got started.  It takes me longer to get started than most

people.  I guess I was born at slow speed.  My time is up, and if you'll

keep quiet for two minutes I'll tell you something about Miss Herts, the

woman who conceived this splendid idea.  She is the originator and the

creator of this theatre.  Educationally, this institution coins the gold

of young hearts into external good.

          [On April 23, 1908, he spoke again at the same place]

I will be strictly honest with you; I am only fit to be honorary

president.  It is not to be expected that I should be useful as a real

president.  But when it comes to things ornamental I, of course, have no

objection.  There is, of course, no competition.  I take it as a very

real compliment because there are thousands of children who have had a

part in this request.  It is promotion in truth.

It is a thing worth doing that is done here.  You have seen the children

play.  You saw how little Sally reformed her burglar.  She could reform

any burglar.  She could reform me.  This is the only school in which can

be taught the highest and most difficult lessons--morals.  In other

schools the way of teaching morals is revolting.  Here the children who

come in thousands live through each part.

They are terribly anxious for the villain to get his bullet, and that I

take to be a humane and proper sentiment.  They spend freely the ten

cents that is not saved without a struggle.  It comes out of the candy

money, and the money that goes for chewing-gum and other necessaries of

life.  They make the sacrifice freely.  This is the only school which

they are sorry to leave.