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Mark Twain Speeches and more

Chicago Humorous Motivational Speaker presents speeches from Mark Twain, THE finest humorous inspirational figure

Mark Twain on the Astonishing Teddy Roosevelt

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Chicago Motivational Speaker on Mark Twain and Teddy Roosevelt

In Suppose You Were an Idiot… Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians, I quote numerous comments from Twain (Sam Clemens) on US Presidents ranging from Washington to Teddy Roosevelt.

Twain was thoroughly intrigued by Teddy Roosevelt, but hardly a fan of his.

Here are some gems from Suppose You Were an Idiot… Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

 

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Mr. Roosevelt is easily the most astonishing event in American history—if we except the discovery of the country by Columbus.

—Mark Twain: Eruption

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“Theodore the man is sane; in fairness we ought to keep in mind that Theodore, as statesman and politician, is insane.”

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Then we have tried for governor an illustrious Rough Rider, Continue reading

Mark Twain on Politics and Pirates

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M-TOPP: Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

 

Respect for the Pirate, Not the Politician

 

He was a pirate with a tremendous and sanguinary history; and as long as he preserved unspotted, in retirement, the dignity of his name and the grandeur of his ancient calling, homage and reverence were his from high and low; but when at last he descended into politics and became a paltry alderman, the public ‘shook’ him, and turned aside and wept.

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Mark Twain on Honest Men in Congress

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Today’s M-TOPP: Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

 

Mark Twain on Honest Men in Congress

Why, it is telegraphed all over the country and commented on as something wonderful if a congressman votes honestly and unselfishly and refuses to take advantage of his position to steal from the government. – The Gilded Age

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There is where the deep ingenuity of the operatic idea is betrayed. It deals so largely in pain that its scattered delights are prodigiously augmented by the contrasts. A pretty air in an opera is prettier there than it could be anywhere else, I suppose, just as an honest man in politics shines more than he would elsewhere. – A Tramp Abroad 

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Keynote Speaker Conor Cunneen is a big Mark Twain fan. BUY and ENJOY his new book  Suppose You Were an Idiot… Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

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“Suppose you were an idiot.

And suppose you were a Congressman.

But I’m repeating myself.”

Mark Twain, A Biography

 

Buy today and I will personally AUTOGRAPH your copyConor Cunneen

SHIPPING on November 2

 

“Whiskey is taken into the committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.” 

 

Buy today and I will personally AUTOGRAPH your copyConor Cunneen

 

It is interesting, wonderfully interesting–the miracles which party-politics can do with a man’s mental and moral make-up.  Look at McKinley, Roosevelt, and yourself: in private life spotless in character; honorable, honest, just, humane, generous; scorning trickeries, treacheries, suppressions of the truth, mistranslations of the meanings of facts, the filching of credit earned by another, the condoning of crime, the glorifying of base acts: in public political life the reverse of all this.

Letter to Rev. J. H. Twichell 1904

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Conor Cunneen is also author

What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

“When I say I’ll learn (‘Teach’ is not in the river vocabulary) a man the river, I mean it. And you can depend on it, I’ll learn him or kill him.” Life on the Mississippi  – Mark Twain

Utilizing a unique and memorable MARK TWAIN acronym, author Conor Cunneen demonstrates what the Dean of American Humorists learned him bout public speakin !

MARK ——– BEFORE you go on stage

Message preparation

Audience research and knowledge

Relate to audience

Know your objective

TWAIN ——— ON STAGE

Titter and humor wins the audience

Wait – The power of the Pause

Anecdotes connect

Involve, Inform, Inspire your audience

Narration and stagecraft.

BUY: What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

Mark Twain: Whiskey, demijohns & Demagogues

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Today’s M-TOPP: Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

 

Congress, Whiskey, Demijohns and Demagogues

From: Mark Twain Notebook

“Whiskey is taken into the committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.”

 From: Roughing It 

That was a fine collection of sovereigns, that first Nevada legislature. They levied taxes to the amount of thirty or forty thousand dollars and ordered expenditures to the extent of about a million. Yet they had their little periodical explosions of economy like all other bodies of the kind. A member proposed to save three dollars a day to the nation by dispensing with the Chaplain. And yet that short-sighted man needed the Chaplain more than any other member, perhaps, for he generally sat with his feet on his desk, eating raw turnips, during the morning prayer. 

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Conor Cunneen is a big Mark Twain fan. BUY and ENJOY  his new book  Suppose You Were an Idiot… Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

twain-front-10-27-compressed

“Suppose you were an idiot.

And suppose you were a Congressman.

But I’m repeating myself.”

Mark Twain, A Biography

 

Buy today and I will personally AUTOGRAPH your copyConor Cunneen

SHIPPING on November 2

 

“Whiskey is taken into the committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.”

Mark Twain Notebook

Conor Cunneen is also author

What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

“When I say I’ll learn (‘Teach’ is not in the river vocabulary) a man the river, I mean it. And you can depend on it, I’ll learn him or kill him.” Life on the Mississippi  – Mark Twain

Utilizing a unique and memorable MARK TWAIN acronym, author Conor Cunneen demonstrates what the Dean of American Humorists learned him bout public speakin !

Message preparation

Audience research and knowledge

Relate to audience

Know your objective

Titter and humor wins the audience

Wait – The power of the Pause

Anecdotes connect

Involve, Inform, Inspire your audience

Narration and stagecraft.

Mark Twain on Insane Democrats and Insane Republicans

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Today’s M-TOPP: Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

 

Insane Democrats and Insane Republicans

 

All democrats are insane, but not one of them knows it; none but the republicans and mugwumps know it. All the republicans are insane, but only the democrats and mugwumps can perceive it. The rule is perfect; in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane. When I look around me I am often troubled to see how many people are mad.

– Christian Science and the book of Mrs. Eddy

 mark-twain-signature

Conor Cunneen is a big Mark Twain fan. BUY and ENJOY his new book Suppose You Were an Idiot… Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

twain-front-10-27-compressed

“Suppose you were an idiot.

And suppose you were a Congressman.

But I’m repeating myself.”

Mark Twain, A Biography

 

Buy today and I will personally AUTOGRAPH your copyConor Cunneen

SHIPPING on November 2

 

“Whiskey is taken into the committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.”

Mark Twain Notebook

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twain-front-180-10-27Keynote speaker Conor Cunneen is author Suppose You Were An Idiot… Mark Twain on Politics and Politicians

Twain once wrote “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a Congressman. But I repeat myself.”

“Whiskey is taken into the committee rooms in demijohns and carried out in demagogues.”

Mark Twain Notebook

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Conor Cunneen is also author

What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

“When I say I’ll learn (‘Teach’ is not in the river vocabulary) a man the river, I mean it. And you can depend on it, I’ll learn him or kill him.” Life on the Mississippi  – Mark Twain

Utilizing a unique and memorable MARK TWAIN acronym, author Conor Cunneen demonstrates what the Dean of American Humorists learned him bout public speakin !

MARK ——– BEFORE you go on stage

Message preparation

Audience research and knowledge

Relate to audience

Know your objective

TWAIN ——— ON STAGE

Titter and humor wins the audience

Wait – The power of the Pause

Anecdotes connect

Involve, Inform, Inspire your audience

Narration and stagecraft.

BUY: What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

PLYMOUTH ROCK AND THE PILGRIMS from Humorous Motivational Speaker Mark Twain

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Mark Twain Speeches presented by Conor Cunneen-IrishmanSpeaks, a Chicago based humorous, motivational speaker who has learned from, and delights in the funny, (sometimes inspirational, sometimes poignant) humorous messages from possibly the finest and most famous motivational humorist ever.

Conor’s new book – What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin provides wit and wisdom from the great man to help you craft better speeches and presentations.

Humorous Motivational Speaker Mark Twain

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

ORDER TodayWhat Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin

Phone Conor Cunneen at 630 718 1643 for further information and a genuine Irish brogue!

 

Plymouth Rock and the Pilgrims from the Motivational Humorous Speaker Mark Twain

 

A thoughtful humorous motivational speaker

PLYMOUTH ROCK AND THE PILGRIMS

ADDRESS AT THE FIRST ANNUAL DINNER, N. E. SOCIETY

PHILADELPHIA, DECEMBER 22, 1881

On calling upon Mr. Clemens to make response, President Rollins said:

“This sentiment has been assigned to one who was never exactly born in New England, nor, perhaps, were any of his ancestors. He is not technically, therefore, of New England descent. Under the painful circumstances in which he has found himself, however, he has done the best he could — he has had all his children born there, and has made of himself a New England ancestor. He is a self-made man. More than this, and better even, in cheerful, hopeful, helpful literature he is of New England ascent. To ascend there in anything that’s reasonable is difficult, for — confidentially, with the door shut — we all know that they are the brightest, ablest sons of that goodly land who never leave it, and it is among and abovethem that Mr. Twain has made his brilliant and permanent ascent — become a man of mark.”

 

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I RISE to protest. I have kept still for years, but really I think there is no sufficient justification for this sort of thing. What do you want to celebrate those people for? — those ancestors of yours of 1620 — the Mayflower tribe, I mean.

What do you want to celebrate them for? Your pardon: the gentleman at my left assures me that you are not celebrating the Pilgrims themselves, but the landing of the Pilgrims at Plymouth Rock on the 22d of December. So you are celebrating their landing. Why, the other pretext was thin enough, but this is thinner than ever; the other was tissue, tinfoil, fish-bladder, but this is gold-leaf. Celebrating their landing!

What was there remarkable about it, I would like to know? What can you be thinking of? Why, those Pilgrims had been at sea three or four months. It was the very middle of winter: it was as cold as death off Cape Cod there. Why shouldn’t they come ashore? If they hadn’t landed, there would be some reason for celebrating the fact. It would have been a case of monumental leatherheadedness which the world would not willingly let die. Continue reading

My Favorite Mark Twain Speech

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I love this speech from Mark Twain given in London in 1907. It is a lengthy speech that encompasses everything he is famous for and some things that may surprise you. The speech is particularly impactful because it finishes in a beautiful poignant note preceeded some wonderful humor and self-deprecation from this wonderful humorous and often motivational speaker. This was Sam Clemens final visit to the UK which he had visited numerous times during his lengthy career. Twain traveled to receive a D.Litt from Oxford College.

For a fun, interesting and education read that will have you learnin’ and laughin’, read What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

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Available at Amazon and good book stores

 

ADDRESS AT THE PILGRIMS’ CLUB LUNCHEON IN HONOR OF Mr. CLEMENS AT THE SAVOY HOTEL, LONDON, JUNE 25, 1907.    

Mark Twain (Sam Clemens) was introduced by Mr. Birrell, M.P., Chief-Secretary for Ireland who looks amazingly like Donald Rumsfeld!

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Introducing Mr. Clemens, Birrell said:

“We all love Mark Twain, and we are here to tell him so. One more point–all the world knows it, and that is why it is dangerous to omit it–our guest is a distinguished citizen of the Great Republic beyond the seas.

In America his Huckleberry Finn and his Tom Sawyer are what Robinson Crusoe and Tom Brown’s School Days have been to us.  They are racy of the soil.  They are books to which it is impossible to place any period of termination.  I will not speak of the classics–reminiscences of much evil in our early lives.  We do not meet here to-day as critics with our appreciations and depreciations, our twopenny little prefaces or our forewords. I am not going to say what the world a thousand years hence will think of Mark Twain.  Posterity will take care of itself, will read what it wants to read, will forget what it chooses to forget, and will pay no attention whatsoever to our critical mumblings and jumblings.

Let us therefore be content to say to our friend and guest that we are here speaking for ourselves and for our children, to say what he has been to us.  I remember in Liverpool, in 1867, first buying the copy, which I still preserve, of the celebrated Jumping Frog.

It had a few words of preface which reminded me then that our guest in those days was called ‘the wild humorist of the Pacific slope,’ and a few lines later down, ‘the moralist of the Main.’ That was some forty years ago. Here he is, still the humorist, still the moralist. His humor enlivens and enlightens his morality, and his morality is all the better for his humor. That is one of the reasons why we love him. I am not here to mention any book of his–that is a subject of dispute in my family circle, which is the best and which is the next best–but I must put in a word, lest I should not be true to myself–a terrible thing –for his Joan of Arc, a book of chivalry, of nobility, and of manly sincerity for which I take this opportunity of thanking him.

But you can all drink this toast, each one of you with his own intention. You can get into it what meaning you like. Mark Twain is a man whom English and Americans do well to honor.

He is the true consolidator of nations.  His delightful humor is of the kind which dissipates and destroys national prejudices. His truth and his honor, his love of truth, and his love of honor, overflow all boundaries.  He has made the world better by his presence. We rejoice to see him here. Long may he live to reap the plentiful harvest of hearty, honest human affection!”

 

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 Mark Twain’s Response.

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Pilgrims, I desire first to thank those undergraduates of Oxford. When a man has grown so old as I am, when he has reached the verge of seventy-two years, there is nothing that carries him back to the      dreamland of his life, to his boyhood, like recognition of those young hearts up yonder.

And so I thank them out of my heart. I desire to thank the Pilgrims of New York also for their kind notice and message which they have cabled over here. Mr. Birrell says he does not know how he got here. But he will be able to get away all right–he has not drunk anything since he came here. I am glad to know about those friends of his, Otway and Chatterton–fresh, new names to me. I am glad of the disposition he has shown to rescue them from the evils of poverty, and if they are still in London, I hope to have a talk with them. For a while I thought he was going to tell us the effect which my book had upon his growing manhood. I thought he was going to tell us how much that effect amounted to, and whether it really made him what he now is, but with the discretion born of Parliamentary experience he dodged that, and we do not know now whether he read the book or not. He did that very neatly. I could not do it any better myself.

My books have had effects, and very good ones, too, here and there, and some others not so good. There is no doubt about that. But I remember one monumental instance of it years and years ago. Professor Norton, of Harvard, was over here, and when he came back to Boston I went out with Howells to call on him. Norton was allied in some way by marriage with Darwin.

Mr. Norton was very gentle in what he had to say, and almost delicate, and he said: “Mr. Clemens, I have been spending some time with Mr. Darwin in England, and I should like to tell you something connected with that visit. You were the object of it, and I myself would have been very proud of it, but you may not be proud of it. At any rate, I am going to tell you what it was, and to leave to you to regard it as you please. Mr. Darwin took me up to his bedroom and pointed out certain things there-pitcher-plants, and so on, that he was measuring and watching from day to day–and he said: ‘The chambermaid is permitted to do what she pleases in this room, but she must never touch those plants and never touch those books on that table by that candle. With those books I read myself to sleep every night.’ Those were your own books.” I said: “There is no question to my mind as to whether I should regard that as a compliment or not. I do regard it as a very great compliment and a very high honor that that great mind, laboring for the whole human race, should rest itself on my books. I am proud that he should read himself to sleep with them.”

Now, I could not keep that to myself–I was so proud of it. As soon as I got home to Hartford I called up my oldest friend–and dearest enemy on occasion–the Rev. Joseph Twichell, my pastor, and I told him about that, and, of course, he was full of interest and venom. Those people who get no compliments like that feel like that.

He went off. He did not issue any applause of any kind, and I did not hear of that subject for some time. But when Mr. Darwin passed away from this life, and some time after Darwin’s Life and Letters came out, the Rev. Mr. Twichell procured an early copy of that work and found something in it which he considered applied to me. He came over to my house–it was snowing, raining, sleeting, but that did not make any difference to Twichell. He produced the book, and turned over and over, until he came to a certain place, when he said: “Here, look at this letter from Mr. Darwin to Sir Joseph Hooker.”

What Mr. Darwin said–I give you the idea and not the very words–was this: I do not know whether I ought to have devoted my whole life to these drudgeries in natural history and the other sciences or not, for while I may have gained in one way I have lost in another. Once I had a fine perception and appreciation of high literature, but in me that quality is atrophied. “That was the reason,” said Mr. Twichell, “he was reading your books.”

Mr. Birrell has touched lightly–very lightly, but in not an uncomplimentary way–on my position in this world as a moralist. I am glad to have that recognition, too, because I have suffered since I have been in this town; in the first place, right away, when I came here, from a newsman going around with a great red, highly displayed placard in the place of an apron.

He was selling newspapers, and there were two sentences on that placard which would have been all right if they had been punctuated; but they ran those two sentences together without a comma or anything, and that would naturally create a wrong impression, because it said, “Mark Twain arrives Ascot Cup stolen.”

No doubt many a person was misled by those sentences joined together in that unkind way. I have no doubt my character has suffered from it. I suppose I ought to defend my character, but how can I defend it? I can say here and now– and anybody can see by my face that I am sincere, that I speak the truth- -that I have never seen that Cup. I have not got the Cup–I did not have a chance to get it. I have always had a good character in that way. I have hardly ever stolen anything, and if I did steal anything I had discretion enough to know about the value of it first. I do not steal things that are likely to get myself into trouble. I do not think any of us do that. I know we all take things–that is to be expected–but really, I have never taken anything, certainly in England that amounts to any great thing. I do confess that when I was here seven years ago I stole a hat, but that did not amount to anything. It was not a good hat, and was only a clergyman’s hat, anyway.

I was at a luncheon party, and Archdeacon Wilberforce was there also. I dare say he is Archdeacon now–he was a canon then–and he was serving in the Westminster battery, if that is the proper term–I do not know, as you mix military and ecclesiastical things together so much. He left the luncheon table before I did. He began this. I did steal his hat, but he began by taking mine. I make that interjection because I would not accuse Archdeacon Wilberforce of stealing my hat–I should not think of it. I confine that phrase to myself. He merely took my hat. And with good judgment, too–it was a better hat than his.

He came out before the luncheon was over, and sorted the hats in the hall, and selected one which suited. It happened to be mine. He went off with it. When I came out by-and-by there was no hat there which would go on my head except his, which was left behind. My head was not the customary size just at that time. I had been receiving a good many very nice and complimentary attentions, and my head was a couple of sizes larger than usual, and his hat just suited me. The bumps and corners were all right intellectually. There were results pleasing to me–possibly so to him. He found out whose hat it was, and wrote me saying it was pleasant that all the way home, whenever he met anybody his gravities, his solemnities, his deep thoughts, his eloquent remarks were all snatched up by the people he met, and mistaken for brilliant humorisms.

I had another experience. It was not unpleasing.

I was received with a deference which was entirely foreign to my experience by everybody whom I met, so that before I got home I had a much higher opinion of myself than I have ever had before or since. And there is in that very connection an incident which I remember at that old date which is rather melancholy to me, because it shows how a person can deteriorate in a mere seven years. It is seven years ago. I have not that hat now. I was going down Pall- Mall, or some other of your big streets, and I recognized that that hat needed ironing. I went into a big shop and passed in my hat, and asked that it might be ironed. They were courteous, very courteous, even courtly. They brought that hat back to me presently very sleek and nice, and I asked how much there was to pay. They replied that they did not charge the clergy anything. I have cherished the delight of that moment from that day to this. It was the first thing I did the other day to go and hunt up that shop and hand in my hat to have it ironed. I said when it came back, “How much to pay?” They said, “Ninepence.” In seven years I have acquired all that worldliness, and I am sorry to be back where I was seven years ago.

But now I am chaffing (joking) and chaffing and chaffing here, and I hope you will forgive me for that; but when a man stands on the verge of seventy-two you know perfectly well that he never reached that place without knowing what this life is: – heartbreaking bereavement. And so our reverence is for our dead. We do not forget them; but our duty is toward the living; and if we can be cheerful, cheerful in spirit, cheerful in speech and in hope, that is a benefit to those who are around us.

My own history includes an incident which will always connect me with England in a pathetic way, for when I arrived here seven years ago with my wife and my daughter–we had gone around the globe lecturing to raise money to clear off a debt–my wife and one of my daughters started across the ocean to bring to England our eldest daughter. She was twenty four years of age and in the bloom of young womanhood, and we were unsuspecting. When my wife and daughter–and my wife has passed from this life since–when they had reached mid Atlantic, a cablegram–one of those heartbreaking cablegrams which we all in our days have to experience–was put into my hand. It stated that that daughter of ours had gone to her long sleep. And so, as I say, I cannot always be cheerful, and I cannot always be chaffing; I must sometimes lay the cap and bells aside, and recognize that I am of the human race like the rest, and must have my cares and griefs. And therefore I noticed what Mr. Birrell said–I was so glad to hear him say it–something that was in the nature of these verses here at the top of this:

He lit our life with shafts of sun
And vanquished pain.
Thus two great nations stand as one
In honoring Twain.”

I am very glad to have those verses. I am very glad and very grateful for what Mr. Birrell said in that connection. I have received since I have been here, in this one week, hundreds of letters from all conditions of people in England–men, women, and children–and there is in them compliment, praise, and, above all and better than all, there is in them a note of affection. Praise is well, compliment is well, but affection –that is the last and final and most precious reward that any man can win, whether by character or achievement, and I am very grateful to have that reward. All these letters make me feel that here in England–as in America–when I stand under the English flag, I am not a stranger. I am not an alien, but at home.

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Mark Twain is no longer with us, but if you are seeking a great speaker to Energize, Educate and Entertain and Easy to work with, PHONE Conor Cunneen – IrishmanSpeaks at 630 718 1643

 

For a fun, interesting and education read that will have you learnin’ and laughin’, read What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin’

 

600 twain

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Available at Amazon and good book stores

 

Mark Twain Speeches presented by Conor Cunneen, a Chicago based humorous, motivational speaker who has learned from, and delights in the funny, (sometimes inspirational, sometimes poignant) humorous messages from possibly the finest and most famous motivational humorist ever. Conor’s new book – What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin provides wit and wisdom from the great man to help you craft better speeches and presentations. 600 twain

PRE-ORDER TodayWhat Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin

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BIRTHDAY SPEECH AT JOHN GREENLEAF WHITTIER 70th BIRTHDAY (A speech that BOMBED!)

This speech was delivered at a dinner hosted by the Atlantic Monthly for the seventieth birthday of John Greenleaf Whittier, at the Hotel Brunswick, Boston, December 17, 1877. Although brilliantly crafted, it did not go well and Twain was roundly criticized for failing to pay due deference to some exalted audience members. Mark_Twain,_Brady-Handy_photo_portrait,_Feb_7,_1871,_cropped This is an occasion peculiarly meet for the digging up of pleasant reminiscences concerning literary folk; therefore I will drop lightly into history myself. Standing here on the shore of the Atlantic and contemplating certain of its largest literary billows, I am reminded of a thing which happened to me thirteen years ago, when I had just succeeded in stirring up a little Nevadian literary puddle myself, whose spume-flakes were beginning to blow thinly Californiaward. I started an inspection tramp through the southern mines of California. I was callow and conceited, and I resolved to try the virtue of my ‘nom de guerre’. I very soon had an opportunity. I knocked at a miner’s lonely log cabin in the foothills of the Sierras just at nightfall. It was snowing at the time. A jaded, melancholy man of fifty, barefooted, opened the door to me. When he heard my ‘nom de guerre’ he looked more dejected than before. He let me in—pretty reluctantly, I thought—and after the customary bacon and beans, black coffee and hot whiskey, I took a pipe. This sorrowful man had not said three words up to this time. Now he spoke up and said, in the voice of one who is secretly suffering, “You’re the fourth—I’m going to move.” “The fourth what?” said I. “The fourth littery man that has been here in twenty-four hours—I’m going to move.” “You don’t tell me!” said I; “who were the others?” “Mr. Longfellow, Mr. Emerson, and Mr. Oliver Wendell Holmes—consound the lot!”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can easily believe I was interested. I supplicated—three hot whiskeys did the rest—and finally the melancholy miner began. Said he:

Continue reading

Mark Twain: ADDRESS AT THE PILGRIMS’ CLUB LUNCHEON

Mark Twain Speeches presented by Conor Cunneen, a Chicago based humorous, motivational speaker who has learned from, and delights in the funny, (sometimes inspirational, sometimes poignant) humorous messages from possibly the finest and most famous motivational humorist ever.

Conor’s new book – What Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin provides wit and wisdom from the great man to help you craft better speeches and presentations.

600 twain

PRE-ORDER TodayWhat Mark Twain Learned Me ’bout Public Speakin

 

 

ADDRESS AT THE PILGRIMS’ CLUB LUNCHEON,GIVEN IN HONOR OF Mr. CLEMENS AT THE SAVOY HOTEL, LONDON, JUNE 25, 1907.    

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Pilgrims, I desire first to thank those undergraduates of Oxford. When a man has grown so old as I am, when he has reached the verge of seventy- two years, there is nothing that carries him back to the dreamland of his life, to his boyhood, like recognition of those young hearts up yonder.

And so I thank them out of my heart. I desire to thank the Pilgrims of New York also for their kind notice and message which they have cabled over here. Mr. Birrell says he does not know how he got here. But he will be able to get away all right–he has not drunk anything since he came here. I am glad to know about those friends of his, Otway and Chatterton–fresh, new names to me. I am glad of the disposition he has shown to rescue them from the evils of poverty, and if they are still in London, I hope to have a talk with them. For a while I thought he was going to tell us the effect which my book had upon his growing manhood. I thought he was going to tell us how much that effect amounted to, and whether it really made him what he now is, but with the discretion born of Parliamentary experience he dodged that, and we do not know now whether he read the book or not. He did that very neatly. I could not do it any better myself.

My books have had effects, and very good ones, too, here and there, and some others not so good. There is no doubt about that. But I remember one monumental instance of it years and years ago. Professor Norton, of Harvard, was over here, and when he came back to Boston I went out with Howells to call on him. Norton was allied in some way by marriage with Darwin. Continue reading